So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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