No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
