you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
