Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
