his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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