I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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