sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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