So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
