id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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