I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
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