dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
