so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
