highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
