Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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