Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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