My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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