I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
