i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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