I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
