Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
