So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize