i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I need water and some morals
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
