I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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