I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
