**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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