What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
