A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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