saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
