worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
