I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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