just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
