I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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