I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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