Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
