Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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