I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
