marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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