Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
