That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Who died my cat blue again?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
