Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This baby is an asshole
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
