Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
