turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
