Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize