im about as happy as oj after his trial
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
