I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the day after is always just damage control
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
