youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
