I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just high enough for therapy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
