there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
