you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
