So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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