apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
