Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
