My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
