Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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