im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
