It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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