I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
