you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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