I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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