and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
