i would punch a child for taco bell
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
