HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
