At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
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