Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
