Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
