weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
