did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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