hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
