I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
did i walk over a car last night?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We are all done wearing pants today
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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