I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
