I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
