Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
