i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize