Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
