I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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