i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize