I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize