I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
