we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
