I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you inspire me to be a worse person
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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